I have spent the last week thinking of the right things to say to encourage drivers to be safer drivers, especially when encountering farm equipment on our local roads. I have to admit, my words probably would not make much difference. Is it possible the cell phone has made the distracted and aggressive driver the standard on our roadways?
Instead, I will try some humor about an actual serious topic, your health and well-being. Instead of using your phone when you drive, try doing what I do, listen to the radio. I do not need my doctor anymore; I get much of my medical information and diagnose for free while driving. The list of free health care information I have received via the radio in the last few months is extensive.
Do you have the perfect poop every morning? There is actually a commercial on the radio for a “poop fix”. Dr. Rick would never lie to me in the interest of financial gain; he must really care about my morning bowel movements and trimming my belly fat.
I now know which medicine I need for a urinary tract infection (Uqora) and which lawyer to hire if I have used Roundup, baby powder or Zantac or have a hernia mesh. I have also learned that the “no touch” thermometers that everyone has purchased are inaccurate, and now we all have to buy a different thermometer. I have also learned that EPI is exocrine pancreatic insufficiency, and I know how to detect it.
I have to wonder if the ads telling me about deep vein thrombosis will now include a caveat about the Johnson and Johnson covid vaccine. Will the future bring ads for me to sue the vaccine suppliers? I have also learned how to self-diagnose myself for peripheral neuropathy, atrial fibrillation, celiac and Crohns disease. I may even skip that next colonoscopy and use the Cologuard test that is advertised. I know the radio advertisement said it is not a replacement for a colonoscopy, but I now think I am smart enough to be my own doctor.
I have found a way to write a silly column about the new trend in medicine. Perhaps I can skip the doctor and hospital and write my own prescriptions. Maybe you can, too. Put the phone down when in the car and do what our ancestors did, listen to the radio. You could save your, or someone else’s life by not causing an accident. Maybe, just maybe, you could safe your own if the free medical advice in these advertisements helps you prevent or diagnose a serious illness.
I am still a little confused about EPI. I am supposed to check to see if I have an oily stool. I am not sure how to do that; maybe I can get back to you on that one. In the meantime, if any of the readers have tried the poop fix, drop me a note. I would love to know if it works.
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